“Be good to yourself boy…you’ve got a long way to go….”
She remembers a boy from way back when and his name was Rain. He was a sad fellow like his name was and he was madly and deeply in love with her. But she could not return the feelings back to him. He was beautiful in her eyes but she was sorry. He begged for her hands and promised the moon to her. But all she could do was wept in front of him. She could not think properly.
“I have an idea…” she said.
He looked at her hopelessly.
“Let’s see each other again after three years. If you still love me by then, and if I might have feelings for you, then we shall continue our lives together…” she whispered.
He smiled, wiped her tears and embraced her in his arms. He brushed his cheek on her fluffy hair and whispered, “okay…see you…”
And just like that they went on their separate ways. Him with an assuring smile that everything will go his way, and her shaking and uncertain of the words she just said.
Two and a half years passed and obviously he was counting while she was living an adventure, living like a free spirit, with wings to fly and legs to break any time, but being aware that time is running out.
He was keeping tabs on her and though he knew how many men have passed her way, he knew that he was still madly in love and in his heart he hoped and prayed and wished that her heart would love him too. On the other hand, she was crazy about everything, from one place to another, giving advices and gaining friends and connections as many as she can that she almost forgot about their meeting.
The time has come for them to reunite. She wasn’t prepared. She was a broken little thing and he was not expecting something big from her. They agreed to meet in a fancy restaurant on 5th Street.
They came together and laughed, thinking about the same thing: they were both prompt. They went inside and ordered food. They sat on a table where there were nobody nearby that could hear them. They were silent while waiting for their food. They were staring at each other, him nervous but happy that finally they were there together. And her, trying to memorize his face, trying to compose herself and playing her fingers, nervous and stopping her eyes from pouring out the tears.
“So, how are things?” He asked, breaking the silence.
“A lot has happened. So much that I don’t know where to begin…” she hushed.
“Hey, it’s okay… you can tell me anything. You can begin anywhere you want to. Am here already, ready to listen.” He said smiling.
“Okaaay..” she whispered.
“I met someone..” she started. He just nodded.
“I fell in love. I fell too fast. I fell in love with all the craziness and everything. Now I’m pregnant.” The moment she said the words she regret it. Why did I have to say something like that when it’s not true? Do I hate him that much to push him away like this? she thought.
He swallowed hard. His cheeks were red and his fists were about to hit the table but he stopped himself. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. She was watching his every move.
“Why?” His voice shaking as he asked the question.
She cannot answer. She was wondering why did she even say anything like that. She was too occupied by her thoughts to notice that he already stood up and grabbed her in his arms.
“It’s okay. We can fight this. We can overcome this. We can raise the child. I will love him or her like my own. Don’t worry. I am here for you. You’ll be safe now. I won’t let anything come between us again.” He said in a low voice. He whispered. He hushed. He stroked her hair with his fingers and he hugged her tight.
What is he saying? she thought. Oh no! This is not happening! I have to think fast. I have to say something that won’t hurt him more than I did already. her thoughts flowed and she panicked. Inside.
“Rain…I’m so sorry. He said he will be keeping us, me and my child. I cannot leave him. I cannot take the risk and just walk out the door..” she swallowed, regretting every word she said.
“No. I will fight and you can just watch. You’ll have to wait until this ends. I am claiming you as mine and you don’t have to tell me anything. You don’t have to do anything. I’ll love you and your child. I’ll serve you till the end…” he said, the hint of possession present in his voice.
She was terrified. She did not expect this to happen. She did not plan on having him fight for her. She wanted him to hate her. She wanted him to get angry. But he was surprisingly calm.
“No…you don’t understand…I am still in love with him…I-I cannot leave him.” She stammered. She was hoping that he would just leave or say that he understood. But he didn’t. He removed his arms around her. He guided her to sit down. Is he finally okay? she thought. His gaze was too far to reach. He was thinking. She was waiting. They could not touch the food that was already cold. Aww, my roast chicken is now cold, thanks to you and your drama! she thought.
“Okay. I will wait…” he said.
She looked at him then. Shock was all she could show. “What…?” she asked too fast. “I will wait. Until you fall out of love. Until you are too full of him. Until you are too weary to be with him. I will wait. For you. And your child. I will welcome you into my life. Anytime. You just have to ask. Or not. You just have to see me and I will know. I will wait until you have made up your mind. I will wait and while waiting, I assure you that I won’t have anyone beside me. I won’t and I cannot love anybody else like I love you. I know that you are confused right now. I understand. You’re a woman who does not want mistakes, flaws, and you won’t risk anything for your happiness if the world isn’t right or balanced. But I do know that when things go wrong, I will be here, waiting. Don’t forget that.” He said, too proud of himself for saying it.
She was in panic, uncertain of what to say anymore. She could not eat. “I’m sorry…” was all she could say.
They ate in silence, him happy with his decisions and her, not knowing how to end the day without hurting him.
“…be good to yourself boy…you’ve got a long way to go…” she sings as she wept beside her blurry window. You didn’t have to be a martyr. You didn’t have to be so strong to protect me. her thoughts were coming back that she cannot hold her tears anymore.