I Want Chinese ([Food])!


I want Chinese ([food] with a British accent)!!! (*but I actually want how the black says it )

I am watching Orange is The New Black right now and all I can think about is my own prison. I am a prisoner of art. I am a prisoner of words. I am a prisoner of difficult circumstances. Yes, I am and I admit it without blinking. I am writing today, trying to go against my craving for Chinese food. But then my craving for it gets worse as this typing gets longer than expected. I am avoiding the killer eyes of that person even after catching word daggers lately. Still, my body is shaking. When it comes to the most stressing matter I am the one that person sees. I am the one that person always sees as the target. Is my nose so red that makes me the easy target?

My left arm is shaking inside, pain and all from carrying a gallon of water after almost four years. Wow. Yes. That’s how long since I felt this way. The constant fear, the robotic actions I do due to obligation and responsibility.

And then rain. I would love to tell this in my mother tongue but I guess it would ruin this English-already-written words above. So…

And then rain. The sound of rain dropping on every leaf is magical. The sound of rain splashing on the streets is a rhythm syncing with the leaves and the wind so cold and speedy that it makes me wanna dance. The rain kept on pouring like there’s no tomorrow. I become so obsessed with it that I close my eyes and listen to it all, pausing on the road, a gallon in my arms, no umbrella, and just my face accepting all the rain on me. I only wish this won’t end right now. But I have to go or my arms will literally separate from my shoulder. So I walk away and ignore the  men staring and observing, waiting for me to ask for help but I don’t. I am not that kind of person. I do not ask help from people just because I am carrying something heavy. Not in every aspect of my life, that is.

This sucks. I want Chinese (that would mean Chowking, here, ya know?haha). I badly want it and I want to eat it with someone who would not judge me for everything that I would say while eating it. Yeah, these times when am cravin’ for it, it is when I am so down and weary and just want some Chinese food in front of me!


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