I have been better like peanut butter jelly on loaf always come with honey and lemon tea. And though I don’t know the connection I still said those out loud just because it sounded nonesense at the same time it’s cute. 

I had been summuned for an emergency meeting only to come home with more homework to do. Mixed up feelings like nervousness and excitement, raising heart beats due to panic and happiness, I become too overwhelmed to face the “now”. Why do I get the feeling that I am being played at,leaving me some tasks for the big day with the kits am rushing on my plate while they are all relaxed and together having a nonesense I don’t even know what to call it?? 

I grit my teeth as I learn about this and my fists are gettin ready for a fight. But I breathe deep and I closed my eyes and told myself: There are better days for you and for me and this day will not be the day that I go complaining about tasks when in the first place I accepted without question. 

None: The Sense of Nothingness

I spent the day like a lazy bug crouched on the sofa with layers of blankets and a very thick comforter. The kids ran around the house from here to forth and I occasionally fell asleep as if no one is around. I can still prepare food for them but I can’t eat. I hate myself for being sick. I am not productive for the day. After lunch they took a nap and I am left to my thoughts…

So this is how it feels to do nothing at all. This is how it feels to think about everything, anything, and nothing at the same time. Wow. I wonder if the people who’s used to this kind of nothingness ever gets bored. I wonder if those people ever thought of changing their ways? I guess not. If they have then their label “nothing” would be of no use anymore. But somehow there is a sense in this nothingness. A moment where you find peace and clarity. Where your thoughts drift to things that matters and you’ll be able to see the importance of doing nothing even for just a day. Isn’t that what “Day Off”s are for? For the employed people? But when you have a day off, you still need to do things you cannot and weren’t able to do during your work days. Like laundry, or a pile of dishes, or a date. We always make time for other people. But I wish you would also consider doing nothing at all. Lying down on the bed, on the floor, staring at a distance, not answering calls, not replying to any messages, and saying no to everybody. Try that and you will see that there is a laughable sense in nothingness. 

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Sick Days: Tummy Thoughts

What pain is this? My tummy growls so hard I could not stand up and walk properly. My tummy clutches and I feel like am being punched or pinched in my stomach. Urgh. 

I don’t usually get sick. But when I do, it’s terrible as if am gonna die. To be honest I love sick days. Cause I have a reason to be home all day. Cause it means I am free from obligations and tasks outside my comfy zone. Cause I can lie down on my bed or on the couch, feeling pained but feeling okay. I do not wish to always be sick. I only want a day off, and that is when am sick. 

But today makes me so irritated. I wish am not sick. Just for today. Because I have scale modeling kits to finish. Because I want to move around the house like I own the world. Because the kids are together at home, waiting for me to tease and play with them. Because the kids want to burn something in the fireplace and I badly want to join them. Because I have pending articles to submit here and there. Because…just because. Hayyyyy.

My tummy growls in a different way. Maybe am hyper acidic? Or is this ulcer? I don’t know. I have an appointment with the doctor today. But am afraid of clinics and hospitals when it’s about me. So I stay at home and endure the pain. I wait for someone to drag me and accompany me to the hospital. Mom perhaps. But she’s busy. So I endure. 

Sleepy here…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz