Sipping My 6th Cup of Coffee

And counting…this is me thinking out loud during A5.

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There will be people who will come to your life only to leave with a grand exit. And there will always be that circle who will accept you with open arms and apparently you trash ’em out like crumpled paper. Coincidence? Intentional? Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way you’re already there. But then…something stops you from your tracks. You stop for a moment and think, ‘What if…what if I fight this battle? what if I face them head on and look at them with a poker face? What if there’s no more cheery cry-baby me and only Poker-Face-I-Don’t-Care-At-All me that’s left? What if there’s no more telling what I’ll do next?  What if I go haywire and just do things rashly without thinking about anything? Well, there will be those times when you’ll just want to override everyone’s mind and not think at all. At least there are people who will just say anything they want to. No matter how drastic the situation is or how cruel everything would seem, you’ll want to stay just because.

I watch him as he passes by. He walks so majestically. My puffy eyes can’t hide the truth. I have been weeping for hours knowing that I am alone and that nobody’s there to see how pitiful I look. But then he sits and says ” You look dying…” and I answer ” I am…” and he smirks. “Don’t die yet…” he whispers. Confusion clouded my mind. I just laughed. He looked at me with his ever serious face. I hate this moment. This is not how I expected everything to turn out. I walked out trying to escape these thoughts. And then, of course, the people I miss passes me by with a sad look in their eyes. Yes, I know what they’re thinking. That I have gravely sinned and hurt their feelings. But at this point who cares?

I therefore conclude that…(wait, am I writing a “Reaction Paper” or “Research Paper” here? Haha) I am a broken person. I go mad at times. I say things I should not. Sometimes I become too open to people and let them read me as an open book then regret it or not. There are times that I will just cry and say that it’s nothing. Or I’ll just laugh by myself. I have gone crazy. I have gone mad. Oh and…Depression is contagious and I have experienced it myself that I can prove it.

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