The Great Pretender

How much do you love your parents? How much do you love your mom…your dad…? How far would you go to show that you love them? How far would you go to protect that love and ignore the wrong things that they have done to you no matter how big the impact is on you?

I wonder. How could I get over the fact that that man who I expect to guide me with decision-making would be indecisive for himself? How could I talk to the man who I cherished and love from the bottom of my being, when he himself is unsure of where to place his heart for his family? We may just be an option but you don’t go balancing options the way you weigh on a weighing scale.

My heart aches. My mind crumbles. It is stormy inside this little brain of mine. The pain is slowly lacerating my body, so aggressive and eager to go out. I am afraid that I might explode any time now. The voice saying “I’ll be home” triggers the angry cells inside.

But at the same time, I wanted that man home. Because we may not admit it, but we miss him. We may deny it, but we still have the strands of hope and love tied to him.

How much do I love these people? How far would I go to protect that love?

I’d ignore everything and be the robot that I am. Will I really return to being The Great Pretender? Lately, I have been so good at being myself, crying whenever am hurt or frowning whenever am sad. But now I have to snap back to my reality of pretense.


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