The Mad Queen

Two years has passed but she does not know this. Time has lost its value in her presence. Every day the prince visited her chamber to let the whole kingdom know that they are okay, that they have something sweet going on. And on his visits, he despised her for being so calm and graceful even though her body is scarred from the chains around her.

He let her roam around the castle for a day to test something. She walked out of the chamber, her chin up high and a raised eyebrow. The guards are silently eyeing her, prepared to put her down in case she does something crazy. Knowing this, she swept her feet on the ground and “Boo!” She surprised a guard on her right with her big eyes and made a claw of her hand. The guard was alarmed and was in a battle stance when she went back to her walk, giggling. She passed from halls to halls, examining the walls, the tables, the doors. Until she found a large door with strange carvings on it. She stared at it as if it were something magical. She hummed a song while touching the door. She closed her eyes and gracefully danced in front of the door. The guards who can see her were laughing. “She’s gone crazy,” they whispered.

The prince was looking for her. The guards told her where she went and he walked towards her direction. He stopped to observe the flower dancing. He saw her bruises on her ankles and wrists, the blue spots on her arms through her nightdress, and her backbone traced on her skinny body. For a moment he looked at it as a beauty abused and felt pity for her. But he shook his head and he was back to his cold eyes.

“Ahem,” he faked a cough. She stopped on her footsteps and stood with her chin up high and steadied her fists on her hips. She looked back at him with an icy stare that she practiced almost perfectly. The prince walked closer to her. He breathed deeply. “What are you doing, milady?” He asked with a sarcasm voice.

“What I am doing now and in any time of day does not concern you. You need not ask what it is,” she whispered. The prince sighed. He grasped her left arm and led her to the throne room. On one of the thick posts, hidden from the sight of any guards around, he pushed her on the wall. “You are mine, woman. You will obey me and only me and if you do not do a single thing I ask of you, your body shall crumble piece by piece. You understand?”

She laughed then. She touched his cheek softly with her thin fingers. “My dear, you are still young and clearly you do not understand the ways of the world…” she stared at his eyes and leaned forward. “You are just a pet in a castle…”she whispered. She pushed his arms aside and run towards the center of the room, and let her fall on the ground. “Help! Help! He is harassing me! Help!” a lot of guards went to help her stand. The prince came forward to where she was and was about to slap her when the king’s footsteps echoed through the room.

The king walked towards the commotion and stopped a few steps away from her and the prince. “Child, what is the problem?” he demanded. Her eyes got bigger, frightened and unsure of what to say. “Nothing, your highness,” she said. The king held her palms in his and stared at them. “Bathe her, and bring her to me,” he commanded the prince.

Autumn has come.

 

She fell.

 

She fell. She fell too fast. She falls. She falls so easily. Now she’s too deep she could not reach anything. She could not see the top. She could not talk. She could not see. She could not move. She cannot think. With legs numb and brain dumb as it is now, she lay her head down on the soft unknown. All she knows now is that she is alone under the covers, with her head laying on something soft. She can feel the fur, the soft covers. But it is too dark for her to see. It is too dark for her to bring herself back to the top, where there is light, where the sun shines brightly.

A Faint Memory Buried

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She’s looking outside her window again. She loves the warmth of the sun on her skin and the wind that splashes through her hair. She closes her eyes. It’s a peaceful morning that isn’t totally ready to be destroyed by the banging of the doors. She looks downtown and watch as random people walks by the market. She sees a girl hopping on her ballet shoes, dressed like a bunny. A man on a steel, heavy armor with makeup on. She smiles. Once again, her memories go back to that time when she was addicted to fiction…

On a rainy day when umbrellas weren’t famous and she was always seeking rest on the keep of shops, she met a guy she was quite drawn to. It isn’t her style, she reminded herself. But this guy kept on appearing before her. This guy kept showing himself that she grew fond of him. She stayed beside him and watched him. She went with him wherever he goes, pretending that she is not busy. She kept everything for herself and got so good at keeping it that it isn’t obvious anymore.

But time passes too fast. And experiences surpasses almost everything. Her brain gets drilled by circumstances, her mind influenced by the modern life. But feelings are not that easy to go. She still hoped that he felt the same way. And then he comes forward and confess his feelings. Time paused for her. What? She thought. Her body was shaking inside, her hands are numb. She does not know how to react. She does not know how she should respond to that. So she said instead, ” You’re not ready yet…” that was lame. Nice. Now you pushed him away and you’re not even doing anything to reverse it! She thought. She looked at him. His face blank. Oh no no no no, please please please don’t be like that. I did not mean anything that I just said. But she was too late. He stood up and continued what he was doing. But for her, he stood up and left.

That was the end of her fond memories of a childhood love. She never saw him again. She looked everywhere but he seems to have vanished after what she told him. She kept looking for a few more months but he was gone. She stopped then and buried what was left of his memories.

She opened her eyes and the streets below was still noisy. What wonderful times that was… she thought.

The Boy Who Loved

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“Be good to yourself boy…you’ve got a long way to go….”

She sings…

She remembers a boy from way back when and his name was Rain. He was a sad fellow like his name was and he was madly and deeply in love with her. But she could not return the feelings back to him. He was beautiful in her eyes but she was sorry. He begged for her hands and promised the moon to her. But all she could do was wept in front of him. She could not think properly.

“I have an idea…” she said.

He looked at her hopelessly.

“Let’s see each other again after three years. If you still love me by then, and if I might have feelings for you, then we shall continue our lives together…” she whispered.

He smiled, wiped her tears and embraced her in his arms. He brushed his cheek on her fluffy hair and whispered, “okay…see you…”

And just like that they went on their separate ways. Him with an assuring smile that everything will go his way, and her shaking and uncertain of the words she just said.

Two and a half years passed and obviously he was counting while she was living an adventure, living like a free spirit, with wings to fly and legs to break any time, but being aware that time is running out.

He was keeping tabs on her and though he knew how many men have passed her way, he knew that he was still madly in love and in his heart he hoped and prayed and wished that her heart would love him too. On the other hand, she was crazy about everything, from one place to another, giving advices and gaining friends and connections as many as she can that she almost forgot about their meeting.

The time has come for them to reunite. She wasn’t prepared. She was a broken little thing and he was not expecting something big from her. They agreed to meet in a fancy restaurant on 5th Street.

They came together and laughed, thinking about the same thing: they were both prompt. They went inside and ordered food. They sat on a table where there were nobody nearby that could hear them. They were silent while waiting for their food. They were staring at each other, him nervous but happy that finally they were there together. And her, trying to memorize his face, trying to compose herself and playing her fingers, nervous and stopping her eyes from pouring out the tears.

“So, how are things?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“A lot has happened. So much that I don’t know where to begin…” she hushed.

“Hey, it’s okay… you can tell me anything. You can begin anywhere you want to. Am here already, ready to listen.” He said smiling.

“Okaaay..” she whispered.

“I met someone..” she started. He just nodded.

“I fell in love. I fell too fast. I fell in love with all the craziness and everything. Now I’m pregnant.” The moment she said the words she regret it. Why did I have to say something like that when it’s not true? Do I hate him that much to push him away like this? she thought.

He swallowed hard. His cheeks were red and his fists were about to hit the table but he stopped himself. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. She was watching his every move.

“Why?” His voice shaking as he asked the question.

She cannot answer. She was wondering why did she even say anything like that. She was too occupied by her thoughts to notice that he already stood up and grabbed her in his arms.

“It’s okay. We can fight this. We can overcome this. We can raise the child. I will love him or her like my own. Don’t worry. I am here for you. You’ll be safe now. I won’t let anything come between us again.” He said in a low voice. He whispered. He hushed. He stroked her hair with his fingers and he hugged her tight.

What is he saying? she thought. Oh no! This is not happening! I have to think fast. I have to say something that won’t hurt him more than I did already. her thoughts flowed and she panicked. Inside.

“Rain…I’m so sorry. He said he will be keeping us, me and my child. I cannot leave him. I cannot take the risk and just walk out the door..” she swallowed, regretting every word she said.

“No. I will fight and you can just watch. You’ll have to wait until this ends. I am claiming you as mine and you don’t have to tell me anything. You don’t have to do anything. I’ll love you and your child. I’ll serve you till the end…” he said, the hint of possession present in his voice.

She was terrified. She did not expect this to happen. She did not plan on having him fight for her. She wanted him to hate her. She wanted him to get angry. But he was surprisingly calm.

“No…you don’t understand…I am still in love with him…I-I cannot leave him.” She stammered. She was hoping that he would just leave or say that he understood. But he didn’t. He removed his arms around her. He guided her to sit down. Is he finally okay? she thought. His gaze was too far to reach. He was thinking. She was waiting. They could not touch the food that was already cold. Aww, my roast chicken is now cold, thanks to you and your drama! she thought.

“Okay. I will wait…” he said.

She looked at him then. Shock was all she could show. “What…?” she asked too fast. “I will wait. Until you fall out of love. Until you are too full of him. Until you are too weary to be with him. I will wait. For you. And your child. I will welcome you into my life. Anytime. You just have to ask. Or not. You just have to see me and I will know. I will wait until you have made up your mind. I will wait and while waiting, I assure you that I won’t have anyone beside me. I won’t and I cannot love anybody else like I love you. I know that you are confused right now. I understand. You’re a woman who does not want mistakes, flaws, and you won’t risk anything for your happiness if the world isn’t right or balanced. But I do know that when things go wrong, I will be here, waiting. Don’t forget that.” He said, too proud of himself for saying it.

She was in panic, uncertain of what to say anymore. She could not eat. “I’m sorry…” was all she could say.

They ate in silence, him happy with his decisions and her, not knowing how to end the day without hurting him.

“…be good to yourself boy…you’ve got a long way to go…” she sings as she wept beside her blurry window. You didn’t have to be a martyr. You didn’t have to be so strong to protect me. her thoughts were coming back that she cannot hold her tears anymore.

A Voice in Her Head

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So that is what it felt like…to be empty…to do things without feelings…to be consumed by the dark waters and come out empty handed. So that is what it feels like to be shoved up your ass, their eyes like spears pointed at you, their flimsy mouths smirked as they look at you suffering. Your pain, their happiness. Your struggles, their laughter. And your majesty is enjoying every bit of it, no doubt. You show a hint of a smile and they quiver. They fear your laughter. They despise your happy face. They would back out a little but their stance is in offensive. They are preparing to attack you. They are preparing to engage into a battle they know nothing about. They are merely pawns of your majesty. Just dogs who will obey what was ordered. They do not have remorse. No sense of humanity. No self judgement. Nothing. And that would be your strength. The moment they shake a bit, that is the time for your move. That is when you will show them the power of a woman. You will show them how a woman can move mountains, how a woman can bend anything. And you would not show any of these through your physical appearance but through your words. Your words will conquer them all. Your words will give the final order. And you shall be freed from your chains. And you shall be freed from your prison chamber. Because you hold the knife to your majesty’s neck. Because you hold the key to everything they need. They need you. They are like cubs who needs their mother. You are a true woman and a woman never wavers.

Remojiv’s Face

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She woke up, still dazed by her fantasies of a man she does not even know how he looked like.

In her head was a figure of a tall muscled man, with a built of a guy who’s often in a gym. In her head he was a knight in shining armor who’ll run to her in no time as soon as she calls for him. He was a fairy tale in her own reality. He was a diplomat. A Shakespeare kind of man.

Her day passes just like that, thinking of the face of the man who swept her feet in a glimpse. Still uncertain of the facts and how the real reality will clash, she let herself dream of a man she even isn’t sure if he was real.

 

Remojiv’s Note

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Once upon a summer day he sent a mail that shocked her through her bones. She wasn’t expecting what was sent to her and her brain was again, messed up.

 you are easy to talk with and if it comes to our relationship that we would argue, I know you’ll be grumpy but at your back you’re listening and figuring things wisely. You’re an open minded woman and that’s the quality that attracts me more on you…you consider things beyond their complexity. You’re smart, beautiful, and interesting…I like you to know, I really like you already.

The note engraved in the scroll, the hot cheeks she wanted to hide, all emotions burning inside of her, revealed to no one but the walls of her chamber. She was glad that no one was there watching her guilt wash over those melting eyes she has now after reading the letter. She sat down on her table and half asleep, she imagined a romantic conversation continuing the letter…

“what do I say to that?” she asked, her face numb but her heart pounding inside.

“nothing…just let me be…” he whispered.

“but you might be having an illusion. this–this could not be possible. I am a nobody. I am not worthy of your interest,”she protested.

“I have a job but women, not at this moment. I’m expecting this one girl I like but she seems confused.”

Her heart was beating fast. Her butt on the edge of her chair, her wine almost spilled on the table. And her brain said “Huw AAAA AAT?” she shook her head and pinched herself. this is not happening. this is not true, this cannot be. she thought. she crumpled the letter and put it in the trash. she stared at it and got it back, folded it nicely and kept it under her pillow. I think I am going insane, she sighed.