So here I am at 2 on a Saturday morning saying Adios Marso!!! Hola, Abril!!!!
Looking back to March, I can only smile so wide. A lot of realizations. A lot of experiences! How did we ever survive together, March? 😀
As to April…I sigh at the same time laugh out loud I cannot keep how cheerful I am. I only have ten or fewer than ten days of free time. What to do with those days, I wonder? But let’s welcome April first with a few songs I’m listening to lately. These songs go through me ina deeper way, like it talks to me directly. So I hope you listen to them today, as April Fools Day is on the Rise but am not playing today. I have a hectic schedule.
Where is this passport you speak of? A passport that will free us all of this damned rules? A passport that will take us to places filled of laughter and joy? I become so desperate to look for this passport. As I have plans of fleeing away from the grounds where I stand right now. As I have decided to change my life and live how I wanted from the start. As I have made up my mind on so many things and one of them is that I will do what I want. If and only I have this passport in the grasp of my fingers.
Let me take a look. If not then let me take a peek on it. If not, let me just brush my fingertips on its cover so I know how freedom feels.
But don’t we all want our fortunes to be told as glorious and bountiful as money sounds like bells ringing in our ears?
Will you belucky with life or will you be filled with fear for the upcoming undesirable events?
Will you be blessed with a travel bag full of cash or will you be begging for the next job vacancy to fulfill your basic needs?
Luck in life or Luck in finance. Both have the same impact and effect on human emotions. Stir up a man’s mind with “fortune” and you got him under your fingernails. And who would do such things? Fortune-tellers, Deal or No Deal hosts, etc etc.
P.S. this is only a snippet thought on fortune, so.
If we were having coffee, am sure as hell that I’d be silent outside and screaming inside. My mind is in chaos with these mixed up emotions building. One heavy circumstance after another and am not even given a time to let things sink in. Wow.
But I’ll ask you how you are, how your day went, and I want every detail of it. It does not matter whether it is boring or not as long as I know what have you been up to. Cause that is how curious I am to your whereabouts. Because I love listening to you and your voice. Because I know that sometimes, even if you don’t say it, you want someone to listen to you. Because there are also times that I want a diversion, a way to suppress my own thoughts by knowing someone’s day.
So if I say your name or call out to you or just send a smiley, that means I want you to talk to me, to tell me anything. Just because. I wish you’d know how much I care for one person as much as I care for all the people I meet along the way.
If we were having coffee right now, can you imagine? We’re at some sidewalk café, sipping some not-so-hard coffee drink and laughing out loud like there’s no tomorrow. Our crazy adventures collide, our thoughts go in parallel paths as we think alike. We even have thoughts on drinking beer or something hard but we don’t cause we just…don’t. It’s like a mutual understanding that we save those beer or liquor moments for that special day, where we are celebrating something big. And we don’t have to say anything about it cause we already know it by heart.
So…how are you? How’s life lately? How have you been treating your days when we weren’t together? I am sure that you are having your own best-day-of-your-life moments from time to time. And I also know that you’re dying to share them, so call me and I’ll be there to listen. I am excited!
Have you ever experienced waking up in the morning just to realize that you are the assistant secretary of a state? That the moment you opened your eyes, you aren’t the person you are and people expect too much of you since 12 midnight? That the way you think and act changes just because someone told you what you are, what your responsibilities are, and what you should be doing? And in every shocking moment, you become somebody else, still you, but a wee bit different?
Cause I have. And this morning I woke up feeling different. I did not know words were that powerful. Did I just let their words sink into me? An urge to run away, but the people I expect to object suddenly supports me. Weird.
So yeah, I was elected as assistant secretary. More like trainee for the next secretary. Nobody wants this job and it scares the hell out of me. I know nothing of the responsibilities and how heavy it is. And then the secretary tells me “You will be the one to run Invitationals,” say what now? Panic mode. Do I look like am perfect for this job? Uh-no. But the secretary kept talking to me like the world is reborn and ending at the same time.
When I woke up, I felt strange. I wanted to do something very productive and I wanted to do so many things.
“Don’t hesitate to do the things that make your heart flutter!”, my brain keeps shouting at me. But how do you do that when there are too much awkward moments, to begin with. It’s like, your instinct says it’s a good time to move but your body’s frozen.
It’s so nice to know that someone knows you more than anyone else. It’s nice to know that someone knows you, understands you, and knows how to make your day in a different way than others even when it is not intentional. The fact that that person cares and asks about how you feel, and reminds you not to overdo things, it flutters my heart every single time. You may not have noticed it but your smile becomes gentle everytime he talks to you. Yes, he is cold but his coldness is the sweetest thing ever. He messages you on a one-word basis which is his normal side, sometimes the messages are short phrases or long ones when he’s in the mood to explain things. But either way, it makes you smile and laugh all day. When you’re busy with what you’re doing and cannot touch your phone to talk to him, you suddenly remember what he said earlier today or the other day, or something funny that he shared and you laugh out loud as if he’s there beside you repeating his words and watching you as you paint the walls. Often times you forget that he isn’t there. That when you’re lonely and sitting in a cafe, you see him on the chair across you, his face buried in his arms and murmuring things like, “I told you not to overdo things,” or “Don’t worry about it.” If not, he’s lazy in his seat, staring out the window in silence and you watch him just because. Sometimes, when you are tangled in a situation and you’re tempted to choose the rebellion act, you think of him and remember the fear of losing him when he’s mad. Just how terrifying that thought could be. And that time when your mind and heart hurts because of other people’s pains, that you want to burst out and cry for them, you calm yourself through thinking about what he’ll probably say when he’s there watching you. The coincidences that often appear like you both wanted the same thing, or when you both had the same thoughts but you preferred not to say it out loud. You’re too afraid of too many similarities that you end up being the old, boring, you, instead of stating how weird and cool it is that you’re too similar. You’re even afraid that he’ll get mad at you because you know that when he’s angry it can take up days of no communication just because you don’t listen to him. But in a way you find it cute, him getting mad, and you being the rebel one. My question is, why, of all people to fall for, would you fall for someone who is too far from your reach? Why, when you want to forget, do you always get and tend to be more closer than ever?
You are invited to a banquet of royalties, a feast for the one and only HER. The said occasion will be held in HERWorld with HERSnipperts for you to uncover. The said royalties include her ideals, her people like Remojiv, the prince, the king, and her captor, the thug. You will be able to meet her person, her fears, her impossible encounters. And this would be held on the 4th full moon of the year, where the moon is too near on earth and is tainted red.
If in case, you cannot come, please do tell in advance as early as 2 full moons beforehand. So she can remove your special spot in her banquet, a seat she reserved for you, a seat where your name is embarked on it and was specially made for you. Whatever your reasons may be for not attending, please do take note and put it in words she can understand so as not to make her your suspicious neighbor.
Again, you are invited to this banquet of royalties with HERMind thinking that you will come. If you do come, you are expected to wear your best clothes: YOURSELF. If you are coming in a suit and tie or a gown, you will be banned from this particular occasion as a first-degree warning that HERHeart is doubtful of you and your presence in the upcoming events in HERWorld.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. ~ Paulo Coelho
There are certain chapters that you have to end in your life. Without ending them, you are stuck. You stay in one place, where you’ve always been because you haven’t given any space for something new.
And I think that I have a lot on my plate to end. I just couldn’t put myself to take action on them. Why? Because I have too many fears. Because I have a soft heart and I cannot really take it when people react to sudden changes. But let me count some chapters I ought to end…
Artists-from-you-know-where Chapter. Sad to say I have to bid them farewell. Not because I hate them but because I do not agree with their system and some behaviors. I know I might be acting selfish and they will be a big hit in the near future, but I have to stand firm and strong on my word.
Dark Phase Chapter. So lately I have been the gloomy, moody, emotional gal and that I have shown too much of the frowning me and the lonely me. I want to end it now. I gotta bring back that crazy, cheerful, and energetic kid who sees all the good in people and situations.
Rock Solid Heart Chapter. I have been acting indifferent for the past 2 years. I have been heartless, as others say, and ignorant to other people’s feelings. Oh well, that is, I guess, part of where I stopped focusing on close relationships with people. This year, I’d like to be more socially inclined. Like, I’d like to create traditions with my inner circle and my second inner circle. I have 3 true friends the last time I checked, so I am adding maybe…2 new true friends. Well, hopefully, that is.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.~Paulo Coelho
Living through Paulo Coelho’s words, that is exactly what I will be doing. How about you? Have you closed some cycles in your life? What are the chapters in your life that you ended or plan to end?