#WeekendCoffeeShare: Get Dizzy On This One

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I am recently overwhelmed, that tears are starting to form right about now if I don’t stop talking about it. Okay.
I’m heading to Manila tonight. To accompany my sister and meet with dad. But before that…recap.

So I was a day late with reality. I thought it’s still Friday. But yesterday, I rejected someone’s invitation because I already accepted and scheduled my day for someone else. Although I can make two appointments a day, I did not because it was my first time hanging out with someone who I think is neutral and is in an organization that caught my attention. My adventurous side was poked once again.

I tagged along without knowing if that person really wanted me to come with him. We talked about almost everything and I think that my facial expressions are too showy, again, like, my words does not sync with my facial expressions. Why am I so expressive with my mouth and eyes?! Urgh! Anyways, I got conscious cause yeah that person caught me by the face, I guess.

We ate fishcakes! Cause that person does not now what they are, and also Ramen! Bahaha! So we ate what I have been craving for weeks now. Though I have eaten these consistently, it’s always a different experience. hahaha! We were rushing to go home but not really and then we talked more. I mean, that person talked about his experiences a lot. I loved it. I loved it when all I have to do is listen. I guess my weakness comes from being asked about my feelings as of the moment so it was good that that did not come out in any way. I was just so happy and excited!

I suddenly remembered kuya Tor, an artist who told me one time: ” Wow, you really meet people who loves to talk and tell stories huh”, and when I think about it, he was right. I always have this special connection with people who loves to talk. That am happy about.

And then grandma gets confined again. Back to the hospital and my thoughts on hospital related stories. Mom told me to go and look after her. So I decided to bring my volks and weather it tonight. At the hospital. After buying dinner and right before eating eat, mom says ” let your aunt eat that cause you’re going to Manila tonight”. Say what now?! So here I am, preparing for a trip that I don’t even know what’s gonna happen.

But, in between these events, a heavy heart lurks inside. Mad and overwhelmed, I don’t really have any idea what to do or how to deal with difficult people. Yes, I know I have to understand where they’re coming from and all, but this is too much. Why bother talking to me when you know deep inside you, you’re doubting me and that you just want to bombard my life like am easy as pie?! Strange as it is, I feel empty. I feel like am still in chains and you’re holding me by the neck. This is why am undecided as to what to do with Facebook. Deactivate or not? If I do, how about the people who sincerely wants to talk to me? But yes, deactivate for the whole month, April. Just because it’s my birth month! haha!

So if we were having coffee, I might be crying while laughing right now. Because I am sad as well as excited. And you might think am crazy and yes you may even call me “The Drama Queen”. 😀

Bully, Jokes, and a Little Bit Truths

I’ll come back here and post some nitty gritty cheesy lines. Haha

Ran errands for mom, listened to Mozart for the whole day. I was supposed to meet Yumi the dog, but the text message got lost somewhere. Then I walked to town again. I ordered a chicken sandwich at McDonald’s just so I won’t get kicked out. haha. Tired.

I forgot to go have my toenails pedicured. Amf. Hahaha

I’m bored. I don’t have anything or anyone to annoy. So I just called out for someone who I now will bully me but at least I could bully too. hahaha! Kuya Gee brought me sand bags for my tank. Then I tagged along to annoy him and be noisy as I can be. This boredom is killing me. I laughed out loud and jumped liked a kid. I called him “Balong” too loud for anyone to hear just because. I enjoyed his company. He satisfies my thirst for annoying people to the max. I can’t do that with others. They’re too serious to piss off. They’re too straight and takes things like it’s a matter of life and death. And I don’t like that. Cause I take everything as a joke. I make everything as a joke. I know, I know, I have my limits too. Boundaries I should not cross or am the one who’ll end up as the laughing stock. But that’s okay too. I guess am used to it? bahahaha.
Kuya Gee visited our home. To check up on my works in progress. Whew. I was glad he came. I got so many mistakes on my figures. He asked if I watch Youtube tutorials. No. I am tempted to sleep while watching Youtube tutorials. Maybe that’s why am slow at learning with these german figures. lol. So he let me watch some tutorials, scolded me for my mistakes, and taught me what I lack. For now. Then he made me walk from our house to RFQ where we usually buy paints and thinners. Dreadful and I know it’s his way of bullying too but that’s okay. Then went home.

When fishcakes rule my world. I crave every time I see one. So let me just have some okay? Say like 5 to 10 sticks would do, yeah? 😉

I am so tired. So exhausted. But so excited to continue the figures cause I learned something new. But am not gonna post some photos. I’m shy. Look at it when it’s almost done. haha.
Took a nap at night. I woke up at 12:14am, thinking I should go build. But fear of the dark takes over once again. Instead I listened to Mozart and typed. With mixed emotions because of social media chatting and all, I could not go back to sleep. haha. I’m thrilled and excited. Saying a bit of the truth then says it’s a joke then change the change subject and say another piece of truth. haha. The merry-go-round of words is amazing as it gets.

P.S. I’ve been rambling that mauch lately? Sorry. Too much mixed emotions.

Console Thy Soul, Accept it All

Went out to console a friend. While waiting, I dropped by at some stores to choose a change of outfits for future formal meetings. Listed a few chic dresses and fancy pants then went to search for some goody heels at Payless. Am a regular there so better yet get my everythin from there. Harhar.

Kwentuhan lunch with the BonChon Queen, @iamjennypur. Thaaaaaank u, Jen! 😀 #stressdebriefing #bonchon #bonchonchicken #bibimbowl #bonchonbibimfun #mix #chicken #meal #lunch #foodphotography #food #colors

A post shared by KJ Bumahit (@kibincosme) on Mar 21, 2017 at 10:32pm PDT

 

Had lunch at BonChon, my fave go-to-lunch for comfort food and whatnot. I eat there to destress and hide myself from the world (how when it’s not that hidden of a place? Idunno, the food  I guess?). I went there today to listen to a friend, catch up with life, and to hide myself. I originally planned to shut up and just listen and not make it about me and my little galaxy. With just the mention of someone, the table turned around. I heard myself talking about what’s happening with me lately. And I couldn’t stop. But if I stop it immediately, I could have cried. I avoid eye-contact when, you know, I don’t really want to talk about something and am caught up in the middle of the conversation, feeling trapped and scared. And I really wanted to cry since morning.

One way for me to destress is listening to you and your problems. That way, I wouldn’t think much about my own stresses. I would be too into what you’re saying and less thinking of me. (But I ruined it, didn’t I? 😦 )

My grey sweatsuit under the heat of a Dagupan-like sun is not helping at all. Walked to Bayanihan Heritage Library but it’s closed so just roamed around the Ukay-Ukay haven. Looked for kits and bags with strap pockets but to no avail. Then off to the city library but stopped for a quick fishcake and I don’t know what the noodles wrapped in nori was called (with added hotdog inside 😂). Brushed my hand through the books, flipped some artsy literatures and sat down before I enjoy the books and forget about my friend who’s focused on his laptop. Walked to El Cielito to get cash in a flash and went to Teachers’ Camp.

Ohhh, the silence, the breeze, and a network marketing seminar was being heard from a near hall. Walked through and through.

Rode a jeepney back to town. If I was to walk another mile, I think I won’t make it. Hahahaha! But it was a great walking trip day!

I listed a lot of new food establishments to try for some other day~! 😁

As I bid farewell I also apologized. I was like a kid today. My intentions of consoling a friend turned upside down and I don’t even know if that friend enjoyed my company or not. Bahaha. First time to question myself. haha.

P.S. I told ya, what happens on a Monday, happens for the rest of the week. lol.

Pizza, KitKat, & Childhood

12″ Designer Pizza from Pizza by Hygge Cafe. (I chose the ingredients)

What a day! As I have said, in my mind, before: what happens on a Monday happens for the rest of the week. It may not be the same events but it gives off the same emotions. 
So on a Tuesday I was scared and doubtful of someone’s actions. I helped someone choose a suit. I ran from SM to Maharlika for the sake of Haro. I ate pizza with friends. I got 2 Kit-Kat bars. I stayed for childhood memories of people I now care alot about. 

I go along and I get green jokes, yes that would be normal as I have experienced acquaintances who jokes that way. But when someone does it and says things in a way that it doesn’t sound like a joke, then it isn’t funny anymore. No matter how I respect you and no matter how close we are, I can’t take your words as a joke. And, no matter how I care about my “being always there” for whatever you say, I cannot go because I feel scared. Haha. So, am sorry.

I find men’s fashion fun and a good diversion from brain stressed to eye stress. And it happens on the right time that when am brain stressed, meaning when am bothered by useless drama, I get kidnapped or I become occupied by choosing what should men wear on different occassions. Harhar.

my second haro, for frrreeeeeee~!!!

And then here comes a friend who wants to bully me by telling me he’s on his way home but if I like to get the Haro, then I have 30 minutes or less to go to Maharlika for it. If not, I’d have to pay the Haro. Wow. Just wow. What’d you expect? Of course I rode a cab. Traffic jam, I got down halfway and ran. Who cares if my body hurts like hell? I just did. I arrived almost a minute late. He laughed, as expected. Hahaha.
I went to White Base to deliver some droppers and eat pizza. Sadly, the person who should have a slice wasn’t around and there were a lot of people. So, hello to “give way, high way” mode. Haha. 

Kit-kat for fffrrrreeeeee~~!!!

Kit-Kat!!! I am not a chocolate person. But on special occassions, I tend to munch on them like a happy kid jumping over candies. When things go wrong or when I badly need a hug. Lucky me, the timing is always right. I even got two Kit-Kat bars!!! Bahaha.
Childhood memories. Of people way older than me. Three men talked about games they played as a kid. Like spiders in an apartment match box then goes to the ring for a fight; text games; running and climbing and jumping; stealing teachers’ chalks; playing stones; chinese garters; jolens; and a lot more. I sat there, as ignorant as I am, thinking “what have I been doing as a kid?” Okay, okay. As they describe some of the games, I might have seen some school mates playing them, I just don’t know what it was called. And the reason I know nothing about such games? I was raised in a “box”, metaphorically speaking. 

If I only had the guts to cry about it, I would have asked my mom why I was so distant to the world, why have I lived in a box, like she always said lately. But I don’t have the guts to cry or complain about it. All I can think about now is that I’d want to try some of those games. My gosh. At my age? Wanting to play? Not in a million years, but yes, just in my mind. Maybe that’s okay. Haha.

I went home. With a lot of questions in my head. But I felt so ecstatic. Again, mixed up emotions. Happy but meh. Excited and curious. Partly sad about pizza and childhood but learned a lot. For me, the day was memorable. Yeah I know, sorry for the drama. I just have this thing for making things dramatic. Aaaand, I am awake at 2am of Wednesday, typing about Tuesday, excited about what Wednesday is all about.

#WeekendCoffeeShare

If we were having coffee, am sure as hell that I’d be silent outside and screaming inside. My mind is in chaos with these mixed up emotions building. One heavy circumstance after another and am not even given a time to let things sink in. Wow.
But I’ll ask you how you are, how your day went, and I want every detail of it. It does not matter whether it is boring or not as long as I know what have you been up to. Cause that is how curious I am to your whereabouts. Because I love listening to you and your voice. Because I know that sometimes, even if you don’t say it, you want someone to listen to you. Because there are also times that I want a diversion, a way to suppress my own thoughts by knowing someone’s day.

So if I say your name or call out to you or just send a smiley, that means I want you to talk to me, to tell me anything. Just because. I wish you’d know how much I care for one person as much as I care for all the people I meet along the way.

If we were having coffee right now, can you imagine? We’re at some sidewalk café, sipping some not-so-hard coffee drink and laughing out loud like there’s no tomorrow. Our crazy adventures collide, our thoughts go in parallel paths as we think alike. We even have thoughts on drinking beer or something hard but we don’t cause we just…don’t. It’s like a mutual understanding that we save those beer or liquor moments for that special day, where we are celebrating something big. And we don’t have to say anything about it cause we already know it by heart.

So…how are you? How’s life lately? How have you been treating your days when we weren’t together? I am sure that you are having your own best-day-of-your-life moments from time to time. And I also know that you’re dying to share them, so call me and I’ll be there to listen. I am excited!

It’s a Misunderstanding!

a little misunderstanding

photo by: siuhti

Hey, it’s a misunderstanding! Man, I ain’t what you think I am. Is it so bad to be sweet and all to everybody? Oh, no no no no no no. You’re not thinking what am thinking…are you? Wait, are you?!

I might appear confusing right now. The things I say and do. The way I ought to act. But I shall explain myself briefly today because you made laugh out so loud I cannot contain my madness.

I am adventurous. I am a free spirit. I do what I want. I am weird. I am not normal. Because normal is boring. I say “I like you” all the time. I say “I love you” all the time. I say “I miss you” to all the people I know and haven’t seen for a day or two. Because I care too much. Because I get too attached. And maybe that’s my problem. I should not be this caring. I should be too attached to people. The other day I was too happy, too joyful, too cheery, and something came back to me: a part of my past, a “me” that the people I know today do not know about. Who is that person? Who is that “me”? That part of me that came back? Let me tell you about her.

She’s jumpy. She’s frankly straightforward. She does care too much about how a person feels that she’s afraid to hurt. But once in a while, when craziness strikes, she hits. She slaps people just because, she tells how bad the person is in front of that person. She annoys people just because. She is uncontrollable. She is a romantic, a naturally sweet person according to the people she spent her time with. She is a friend of everybody. She talks to almost anyone. She is very open and tells anyone how she really feels. Because that’s just how she is. She drives people crazy, to the max. She listens to sad songs but she’s cheerful and smiles at sadness. She plays people. That is not so good. But yeah, she does that. She makes people like her and disappoint them at the end by telling them to back off. She confuses people and she loves it that she feels accomplished. She breaks the rules, most of the time. She makes a lot of mistakes, a lot of miscalculations. She attacks right on and makes decisions rapidly, without second thoughts. She hates canceled plans and she tends to sulk when things don’t go her way. But she’s cheerful all the way through. When in pain or not, when sad in truth or not, she has a cheerful face that you would not second guess her happiness. 

And that person, ladies, and gents, is just one part of the person I am today.

So please, please. I hope that you would not think that I like to be with you the way you think I want to. I’m just around for friendship and deeper conversations because I’m longing for my best friend who is M.I.A. at the moment. I do not want to lose a talented person like you. I’m just here as a friend and nothing else. 😀

Slowly

Have you ever had that cinematographic feeling that a certain event or scenario in your life is in slow motion just like in the movies?

When it happened lately I could not believe it. I could not help myself but wonder how familiar it is to me yet so strange. It is something like knowing someone so close yet not really. Or that heart-stopping feeling you have with somebody even without knowing that person well. Or it could only be the effect of someone’s attraction to a person that makes everything seem so lovey dovey in the air. Anyway, here goes nothing…

Our eyes locked as he passed by. Our skin touched but he did not even reach out. Yet he walked slowly–too slow for normal. I looked straight at him and he looked back and through me. I sensed his presence through my eyes. Oh no, please don’t. I do not want another being getting through my maze. I do not want another person trying to play the puzzle pieces of me. I looked away. This should not be happening. But then I suddenly talked and the moment I talked I gave it all away. I introduced myself, shaked his hand, and again everything is so slow. I even mentioned the word “familiar” without noticing I did. He smiled. I cried inside. ‘Who are you and how come I feel so light when you’re around?’ I thought. A few days passed and I couldn’t help it. I asked and so he answered. My shock was there, all out and about. I hugged him. He was there all along, from where I have been. But he said we might have met somewhere else. I could not remember but yeah I think so too. Some place where time do not exist, some place where we used to be so close in mind but never took the same path. Slowly he closed the door and slowly I walked away. Because of fear. Because life has to go on even with these magical, unexplainable situations. Because we have to move away even if means moving away slowly…

Ta-da! Another inspired fiction from a friend. 
Fave from The Daily Post

sidetracked by a cutie? For real??
everything went slowly, yet so fast

it moves slowly like observing something from afar

a gaze of pleasure, art in every angle
it’s just like a drama in the sky 
I don’t get it. Cause am a little slow, you see…

so the mighty hunter waits, even if it is sooo slow

hope of love and friendship

Friendship

friendship

What is “Friendship”? This is a very broad topic for me due to the unlimited things I could think of when we’re talking about Friendship. Now am not talking about plain “hi-and-hellos” and “what’s-your-name-and-number” thing. This is different. This is something deeper, more precious than your shining jewelry you wear all over your body.

Friendship is something you cannot buy (well,we all know that) but to some it does not seem so. It is not something you could just blunder around. It is not just a connection, a consistent communication. It is not just knowing about someone’s contact details and whereabouts. It is not a game nor a gamble. It never was a mere physical connection.

Then what is it???

As I have said, I cannot explain it in details as I am not qualified to discuss it publicly so. What I am about to tell you about Friendship will either think of me as a lunatic or just…I don’t know. (Just leave this page and go.)

Meeting new people. Knowing every single thing about them. Like where do you live? How do you do things? What are your desires? What do you fear? What are you capable of? What do you think of me? What are your dreams? What is your daily routine? Hobbies? What do you eat? What do you read? And all those questions answerable by paragraphs while having a cup of coffee in a cozy homey coffee shop even if you are not certain that the one you are talking to loves coffee like you do.

Now that’s the surface of it. You start off with those. Between the questions, the line of thoughts, you share yours. Whether you are alike or the complete opposite. Whether you have the same fears and desires or not. The sharing itself is the beginning of everything. The main point is that, you have something to share. You connect with the person in a different level. But it does not end there. It does not mean that you’re already friends. Because you have to know the people around that person. The people whom he or she shares him or her secrets,his or her life, his or her everything. You have to know what makes him or her exist. You have to go up or down to his or her level of thinking, you have to feel what he or she feels. Because only at that moment will you have the chance to ask him or her if he or she would want you as a friend.

Oh yes! You don’t gain friends just by smiling and knowing where they live and how they spend their times. You simply ask in the right time, right moment, at the right place.

I don’t know about you but for me, Friendship is a big deal.