What pain is this? My tummy growls so hard I could not stand up and walk properly. My tummy clutches and I feel like am being punched or pinched in my stomach. Urgh.
I don’t usually get sick. But when I do, it’s terrible as if am gonna die. To be honest I love sick days. Cause I have a reason to be home all day. Cause it means I am free from obligations and tasks outside my comfy zone. Cause I can lie down on my bed or on the couch, feeling pained but feeling okay. I do not wish to always be sick. I only want a day off, and that is when am sick.
But today makes me so irritated. I wish am not sick. Just for today. Because I have scale modeling kits to finish. Because I want to move around the house like I own the world. Because the kids are together at home, waiting for me to tease and play with them. Because the kids want to burn something in the fireplace and I badly want to join them. Because I have pending articles to submit here and there. Because…just because. Hayyyyy.
My tummy growls in a different way. Maybe am hyper acidic? Or is this ulcer? I don’t know. I have an appointment with the doctor today. But am afraid of clinics and hospitals when it’s about me. So I stay at home and endure the pain. I wait for someone to drag me and accompany me to the hospital. Mom perhaps. But she’s busy. So I endure.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that these past days were a fairy tale–a dream to which I never plan to wake from but forced to. Dad visiting for my birthday is I guess the best thing ever. I mean, yeah, of course it is a “best thing ever” if it is a marriage he’s visiting, but it’s different when he’s happy and all.
If we were having coffee, I’d be crying right now as I am telling you that I do not want to wake from my dream of having dad and mom together with holding hands and who obviously–according to what I can see and hear–are madly in love with each other. My heart is racing. My mind is battling with my every word. I wanted to go there, here, everywhere. I wanted to do this, that, and everything. I want to do everything at once, and to be everywhere at the same time. Because I know that time is fleeting and I know that all of this is temporary.
If we were having coffee, you’d be laughing at me or your brows are curled up while listening to my rants and ramblings. You might even want to go away from me right now because you’d be hearing secrets and stories and it’d be too much to handle because at some point I am telling you a whole story book and suddenly I am telling you about a new book entirely. The shifting of topics and the mixture of emotions afloat, you’d go crazy over them and you’d wish to vanish right this moment–if it does not excite you in any way, that it.
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that The Secret exists and that as Paulo Coelho says, “If you want something, the universe conspires to help you achieve it.” Because I wished for a simple celebration on my birthday. Because I got what I wanted which is to have dad see mom and my kids as happy as they should be to spend time with their grandfather.
If we were having coffee, we’d be on our 3rd refill already. We’d both be laughing at how absurd and crazy my life has been since I was a kid. But then I’d stop and look outside to realize that it’s already late, the clock struck midnight, and Cinderella’s got to go. So I finish our little coffee time with some more fascinating experiences to tell for our “Next Time”.
Why do people travel,I wonder. Why do you travel? Why do people go far away from their homes and explore the world? I want to know.
Because I haven’t traveled that far. I haven’t seen the world yet. And just thinking about it excites me in the highest level that I can handle. I have been imagining, the life of a traveler. How does it feel to move from one place to another? From riding the bus or train or even an airplane. From walking the streets of Paris or stepping on the roads of Amsterdam. From eating french bread to roaming around like a locale. Ahh, the foreign air, the foreign soil.
I have traveled to Saudi, yes. Saudi Arabia. When I was too young to remember things. When I was too young to explore on my own. I can only remember bits and bits of pieces of those memories when I see a photo of me. I do remember those little stones outside my dad’s office building that I throw in the air and shout “yay! Rain!” though. I also remember that time when I put a hair cap on and a band aid on my chin then took a photo of me on a chair. So much memories that are only shared through mom and dad’s stories. Everything that I have been doing when I was a kid in that foreign land was funny. Like that time when I locked mom’s co-worker out the terrace of their quarters, in a towel. Mom got worried to why her co-worker hasn’t checked in at work yet and she went back to the quarters to check. She opened the terrace and her workmate was crying and sobbing because of the heat. Then that time that I got locked inside the clinic’s (or hospital?) storage room with the large thick metal doors. The whole staff with my mom assisted a 2-year old Jen to open it from the inside. Mom was instructing me to use my left hand, which I use to draw and turn some knobs around. It took an hour or two before I was finally out and they were all sweating. Haha. That, and much more.
But what I want to do now, is to travel on my own. You know, packing a luggage of a week’s worth of clothes and head out to board an airplane on my own. To be crazy and go wild on a foreign land, write a novel, and drink different wines and liquor. Oh, add scale modeler hunting and rare kits hauling to that! Yeah, I am now a certified scale modeler. Haha.
“Break the glass please, and free us from all these damned rules,from needing to find an explanation for everything, from doing only what others approve of.”
~ Paulo Coelho, By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept
It’s supposed to be “Pop! Goes the weasel…”. But it’s Plop! Goes ideas…hahaha.
I can’t afford to think of anything right now. A lot is on my plate, a lot is going on lately. There’s a never-ending list of favors from people that I’ve said “yes” to, without second thoughts. I know it’s too late to back out but the thrill and the challenge? That’s priceless. That’s what keeps me alive, doing so many things. But what if my body gives up? Plop! Goes ideas…hahaha.
I never had the courage to say that “I can” do this, do that, do this, do whatever. But lately, I don’t know what made me start saying “yes” to everything. Aha! Remember that movie? But I won’t compare this to that. Haha. Anyways, sorry for the rambling. It’d just that my title is so cute I can’t just ignore it. Hahaha.